CONTROL: WHAT IF YOU WERE ALLOWED TO FUCK IT ALL UP? S4:E20

Get ready for THE TRUE NORTH COLLECTIVE℠ PODCAST: SEASON 4! With co-hosts Rachel Bellotti (she/her) and Jenell Riesner (she/her), this is a gathering of un-sugar-coated conversations celebrating the untold stories of everyday people fearlessly finding and living their true north. 

In our own search to discover and live from our TRUE NORTH, we continue to meet many interesting, courageous people from all walks of life, doing all sorts of amazing things to live life in their own unique way. Stories from all over the world. Stories with heart. Stories with grit. Stories with plot twists. Stories going untold - until now. This season, we continue to celebrate these untold stories of everyday people who are fearlessly living their true north and inspiring each of us to do the same.

In today’s episode, we’re so excited to talk to Wisconsin-born Whitney Abene (she/her), a lifelong sports + fitness geek, indoor cycling instructor + fitness experience mentor/trainer, two-time marathoner, Marquette University alum with two cats, passionate racial justice + women’s health advocate, Schitt’s Creek addict, and part of the kickass eCommerce team at LaunchBoom. We talk about finding a partner after a decade of being single, sharing your real story vs creating false narratives, secret shame, vetting people with your authenticity, fucking it up in your 20s - or any age, new levels of loneliness, permission, divorce + learning what to do after divorce, being told to be less of yourself, putting boundaries around the things you love, finding community, saying yes, creating spaces of failure, being the face that you don’t see in the arena, believing in the people around you, and knowing what to do when you disagree with someone. We know Whit from our time in Milwaukee, building the SPIRE fitness community from the ground up + we’re not kidding when we say Whitney is one of a kind, gives the best hugs, lifts people up exactly for who they are, and has the kindest no-bullshit approach to life we’ve ever met. Grab your fav snack + get ready to fall in love with this humxn. <3

 

*note: this episode includes explicit language appropriate for those ages 16+

 

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• #amplifymelanatedvoices @erickajones
• #amplifymelanatedvoices @shayla0h
• #amplifymelanatedvoices @vasu_sojitra
• Kopp’s Malt
• Culvers
• Creativity Inc by Ed Catmull
• Empire Records
• Music from: https://www.jukedeck.com/

 

3 KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Are you telling your real story or curating a story that you think will make you look good? Pay attention when you are fine-tuning your story to be liked or accepted by yourself or others because this actually is self-sabotage. Notice when you are tweaking your story to make other people comfortable. Every time you tell a story that is even a little bit false, you are telling yourself that YOU, as you are, is not good enough. You are practicing erasure of yourself. You are slowly making yourself invisible and stopping people from being able to love the real you. Be courageous. Be you. YOU will be loved.
2. What if we created spaces where fucking up was celebrated + allowed? What if we were allowed to fail? What if failure was seen as strength + celebrated as the way we learn + grow? What if we were allowed to fuck it all up? What would you do today that you aren’t doing if you were allowed to fail? Consider this your permission slip to fail + go get after it. See you out there, you won’t be alone because we’ll be failing right alongside you + living life to the fullest as we figure it all out. Because how the hell will you figure it out if you aren’t allowed to try new things that you WILL get wrong before you start to get them right?
3. We have this idea of what things are “supposed” to look like, but it’s all based on some BS creation that some random person or group of people said was the “right” way. So, instead of shrinking away, let’s change what the “supposed” to is to include YOU, just as you are. Don’t hold back your magic because of some made-up narrative. You are allowed to exist in all spaces, always. 

 

TIME-STAMPED SHOW NOTES:

• [1:09] Being an 80-yr old woman at heart
• [2:20] Food allergies + weird food combos
• [9:00] AD: We’re inviting you in to play with us in new ways! We love the podcast + it’s not going anywhere, but definitely check out some of the other spaces we are creating where you can be more of an active participant in finding + living your own TRUE NORTH, alongside other cool humxns who are also figuring it out in real-time. The COLLECTIVE is a free monthly conversation with people from all over the world (third Thurs of every month). Our monthly workshops explore a different facet of authenticity + are held on the first Thurs of every month. The UNPACK series invites more voices into an episode to unpack a topic so that we can hear more perspectives + voices + approaches on the journey. Check it all out here!
• [10:08] Welcome, Whitney!
• [17:00] Settling into no control
• [18:00] Making your story palatable vs sharing the real details
• [22:18] Building up a tolerance for people’s discomfort
• [23:00] Vetting people with your authenticity
• [27:20] “fucking it up” in your 20s + beyond
• [36:29] What do you do after divorce in your 20s?!
• [42:00] Being told to be less of yourself
• [45:40] Having to put boundaries around the things you LOVE
• [47:00] Finding a community that pulls you out of the depths of your darkness
• [51:00] Say yes
• [53:30] Finding + sharing your unique voice in an industry where you don’t “fit” the stereotypically accepted mold
• [58:00] Creating spaces for failure
• [1:02:40] AD: If you’ve been listening to this podcast for any amount of time, you know Jenell is pretty obsessed with Whoop, a wearable that tracks your heart rate variability + gives a ton of in-depth data around recovery, strain, sleep. To get your first month of whoop free + a free whoop strap, use this link to sign-up or DM Jenell via IG @jaynelreese!
• [1:06:00] Hiring for passion vs skillsets
• [1:08:00] Be the one to step up + do it differently - be the change you wish to see in the world
• [1:11:00] Flip the question 
• [1:15:00] Believe in the people around you + make them look good
• [1:10:00] What to do when you disagree with someone?
• [1:20:00] How do you live your TRUE NORTH in 1 word?
• [1:20:47] Connect with Whitney via IG @sweetwhit